What I Am Reading

"Living a life of faith means never knowing where you are being led. But it does mean loving and knowing the One who is leading. It is literally a life of faith, not of understanding and reason-a life of knowing Him who calls us to go. Faith is rooted in the knowledge of a Person, and one of the biggest traps we fall into is the belief that if we have faith, God will surely lead us to success in the world."

-My Utmost for His Highest March 19 by Oswald Chambers

Praising while Praying

So last Wednesday, I found out that I have a spot going on the Uganda trip!!! SO. EXCITED. I have been praising God for the past 5 days because He did make a promise that I would go to Uganda this summer and He made it happen!

Now I am praying that my parents will "officially" be on board with this idea. Or at least quickly-on my time frame-get on board. God is teaching me a lot of patience right now because I have WAY too many ideas going around and around my head for support/fundraising and I feel as though I need to wait for my parents to make their decision. I am an adult, and they recognize that, but they would like to make sure that I am as safe as I could be.

So please pray that my family is as comfortable with the idea as they could be and that they get in touch with all the leaders so that they feel even better about what I will be doing/who is going with me.

(By the by, the summer camp that I went to when I was younger did a blog post on Teaching Spiritual Discipline. Essentially, Waiting on God. Here's the link if you want to check it out!)

Song Lyric That Gets Me

"Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at least.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below."
-Be Still My Soul by Katharina A. von Schlegel

I'm Still Waiting.

So no word on Uganda. Just a feeling that I'm taking as a promise that God has said I am going to Uganda this summer...somehow.
...
...
...

I'M GOING INSANE.

But I'm trying to learn something through this waiting period. 

I'm reading The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson and thought I could learn to do prayer circles...in a day. So I'm learning patience. And to pray and praise through. That's actually what they say in the book. The patience part is just me.

I also read this article by Kristen from We Are THAT Family titled "When God Says Wait It's For A Reason" today. And yes, the title essentially was God's own tunnel vision to me. 

"Because even when you have the power to make things happen and go your way, it doesn't mean you should."

 And this is my struggle. This year has been where I learned to be the go-getter, the GET IT DONE and MOVE ON kind of girl. So when things are in my power to get it done, I get it done. Unfortunately, I seem to have forgotten how to be slow and still. I learned to be a river when I should just be the stream. I'm still moving but it's not all about my power.

So God didn't send the storm to speak, or the whirlwind, or the hurricane, or the train, or really anything else that would have slammed me in the face and made me be more patient. But He's giving just enough encouragement to get through tonight. And He will encourage into tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And until I hear a "YES!" or "Thanks for playing but NO." I'm going to hold on to that promise.

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." -Micah 7:7

P.S. Here's the article by Kristen!

Song Lyric that Gets Me

"I am the Lord, your God

I go before you now

I stand beside you

And I'm all around you"

-Come to Me by Bethel Music ft. Jenn Johnson

I Must Be Crazy

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

I have to be the craziest person that I know.

Two weeks ago, I made the firm decision to finally go on a mission trip to Uganda next summer. I have been thinking about it since last summer so I thought, "God, here's the plan and this is how it's going to work." I should've known that God was going to say to me that that was NOT His plan. He has the plan that going to Uganda will be even sooner...MUCH sooner. So he continues to drop hints like these verses showing up in my devotionals:

• "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27)
• "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and of the Holy Spirit," (Matthew 28:19)

Long story short, Friday night I decide to "listen" and I tell God that IF I research trips and IF I find a trip going to Uganda and IF I get a spot then MAYBE I'll go on it. The next morning I'm finding out about trips through my Internship supervisor. And Sunday, I'm about 85% sure that I will go on this trip. And then Monday morning I read my devotional. (If you are reading My Utmost For His Highest then we read the same one!) This is how it ended:

• "Paul focused his life on Jesus Christ's idea of a New Testament saint; that is, not one who merely proclaims the gospel, but one who becomes broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for the sake of others." (Chambers, Feb 25)

And then my mom sends me an email saying, "You need never be afraid to stand up and do what is right, My child. I will always go ahead of you and prepare the way....Can you trust that I am strong enough to handle any situation?" (Shepard, Today's His Princess Love Letter) And that pushed me the last 15%. 

I am all in. I am going to Uganda. I am dropping my agenda, possibly even my goal to graduate on time next year and the certainty of being able to be independent, to pay my own rent, and to get a summer job. It's only 10 days, but it will effectively RUIN my summer. 

And I can't wait. 

It's All About Trust

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans. - Proverbs 16:3

You may not feel like trusting. It might be easier to let go of God, grit your teeth and say, "No, I HAVE GOT THIS." It may be easier to feel the old anger and bitterness start to well up and say, "I do NOT deserve this! I am doing all that you ask AND MORE." It may take all of your focus and crucifying your pride to say, "Lord, there is beauty in this and You are going to create it."

And there always is.

God ALWAYS provides and ALWAYS gives the boost that you need JUST when you need it. I know that once I was still enough this morning I started to think of all the things that were going wrong so far today. I knew the negative thoughts once they started but I couldn't fight them off until I said, "Lord, I am trusting that by NOT replying to this email how I want to respond that you will bless me for it." I know this sounds self-centered but I know that He works for my good because I love Him. AND HE DID. I got my sponsorship packet from Compassion International about four days earlier than expected AND all the hard work I've put into school was blessed by getting into an Honor Society! He knew these things would boost me up out of my negativity and see that the world is bigger than me and my issues.

I trusted that He would provide. He could change my attitude about the day and that He would give me the grace and love that I needed for TODAY. And now, I feel like my heart is going to EXPLODE with so much grace and love it will last me the whole week!