Wednesday, June 12, 2013

It Became Real

It became very real today that in a month I will be leaving on a plane to go to Uganda. I'm already very nervous and almost having buyer's remorse.
For instance, it took less than a week for me to be decided that God was telling me to go to Uganda. WHAT?! What am I doing?? I work with technology and if Uganda HAS reliable electricity then that's a blessing! Why do I think that I can make a long-term difference? How do I even think that they will really care? There's sooo much going on right now that you think it would be wise to actually stop everything for 10 days as you go to a third world country?? Can you really trust your group? How do you know that you won't be harmed while you are over there? What if you lose your passport? My God, WHAT IF I LOSE MY PASSPORT??

Typing out my fears doesn't really help. But here's what does.

I know that I have been called to this trip. Uganda has been on my heart for so long that not going would have been the stupidest decision I could have made. I know that I told myself that I would take a break this summer, so why not take 10 days and REALLY take a break? I also know that the cause for my trip is very near to God's heart. Taking care of the less fortunate and helping the widows and orphans are what He tells us to do (throughout the whole Bible. Check it out.) Since it is near to His heart, He will be blessing this trip in so many ways that I may never be able to see.
"The purpose of good works isn't to change us or save us; rather, it's the demonstration of the change within us." A.W. Tozer
I wouldn't be going to Uganda if God hadn't decided to truly break me. I wouldn't have learned so much already about God, myself, and the world if I hadn't trusted that God really is a living being. I believe that God's heart is being displayed in the work that Sweet Sleep has been, currently is, and will be doing. I believe that I shouldn't be worried about trusting my group or thinking that I will have to be a "one woman island" when we enter Uganda because I'm supposed to be trusting in God alone. I don't know what will really happen when I enter Uganda. Knowing all the history of Uganda, its people, and the heartaches that they are currently recovering from have been enough right now. After meeting the people and putting faces to disease, poverty, and civil war...I don't know what is next. I'm slightly worried that I'll come back and truly think I need to live in Uganda, but I'm also worried that I will come back and not be doing enough. Only a blog post every once in awhile, a donation here and how do I balance the long-term change in Uganda that I helped create with my "real" life? When things start to not fulfill, how do I not feel like I'm just jumping on a bandwagon?

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