"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7
I have to be the craziest person that I know.
Two weeks ago, I made the firm decision to finally go on a mission trip to Uganda next summer. I have been thinking about it since last summer so I thought, "God, here's the plan and this is how it's going to work." I should've known that God was going to say to me that that was NOT His plan. He has the plan that going to Uganda will be even sooner...MUCH sooner. So he continues to drop hints like these verses showing up in my devotionals:
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27)
"Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and of the Holy Spirit," (Matthew 28:19)
Long story short, Friday night I decide to "listen" and I tell God that IF I research trips and IF I find a trip going to Uganda and IF I get a spot then MAYBE I'll go on it. The next morning I'm finding out about trips through my Internship supervisor. And Sunday, I'm about 85% sure that I will go on this trip. And then Monday morning I read my devotional. (If you are reading My Utmost For His Highest then we read the same one!) This is how it ended:
"Paul focused his life on Jesus Christ's idea of a New Testament saint; that is, not one who merely proclaims the gospel, but one who becomes broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for the sake of others." (Chambers, Feb 25)
And then my mom sends me an email saying, "You need never be afraid to stand up and do what is right, My child. I will always go ahead of you and prepare the way....Can you trust that I am strong enough to handle any situation?" (Shepard, Today's His Princess Love Letter) And that pushed me the last 15%.
I am all in. I am going to Uganda. I am dropping my agenda, possibly even my goal to graduate on time next year and the certainty of being able to be independent, to pay my own rent, and to get a summer job. It's only 10 days, but it will effectively RUIN my summer.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans. - Proverbs 16:3
You may not feel like trusting. It might be easier to let go of God, grit your teeth and say, "No, I HAVE GOT THIS." It may be easier to feel the old anger and bitterness start to well up and say, "I do NOT deserve this! I am doing all that you ask AND MORE." It may take all of your focus and crucifying your pride to say, "Lord, there is beauty in this and You are going to create it."
And there always is.
God ALWAYS provides and ALWAYS gives the boost that you need JUST when you need it. I know that once I was still enough this morning I started to think of all the things that were going wrong so far today. I knew the negative thoughts once they started but I couldn't fight them off until I said, "Lord, I am trusting that by NOT replying to this email how I want to respond that you will bless me for it." I know this sounds self-centered but I know that He works for my good because I love Him. AND HE DID. I got my sponsorship packet from Compassion International about four days earlier than expected AND all the hard work I've put into school was blessed by getting into an Honor Society! He knew these things would boost me up out of my negativity and see that the world is bigger than me and my issues.
I trusted that He would provide. He could change my attitude about the day and that He would give me the grace and love that I needed for TODAY. And now, I feel like my heart is going to EXPLODE with so much grace and love it will last me the whole week!